Somewhere to put the fabric

There is a subset of clothes with which the goal of the exercise is to display this fabric on yourself, and the actual garment is just a way of getting it there.


This is a tiny corner of my favourite jacket. As jackets go, it’s deeply generic in construction and its technical drawing probably looks near-identical to many other jackets sold by every other major clothing brand. It’s hard to make out the details, but it has a fairly narrow notched lapel, welt front pockets (came stitched closed, I opened them), and a welt watch pocket (still closed). No back vent, no sleeve vents, no buttons.

… Its patterning and construction are not why I bought it. This is why I bought it.


The fabric is a large-sized orange and black damask-style floral with purple bits, and it is as glorious as it is awful. It looks like what would happen if Oscar Wilde had been alive in the 1970s. It is terribly, awe-inspiringly bizarre.


Alas and alack, the jacket itself no longer fits. I say no longer; it never really did – I bought it online, and by the time it actually showed up (way late, do not trust Hermes couriers) the option of returning it for the next size up did not exist as they’d sold out. On me it’s a touch tight through the shoulder and sleeve cap, which is exactly where I can’t abide dodgy fit; I move my arms too much.

I’ve known this for a while but haven’t actually had the heart to ditch the jacket because I need my wardrobe to have an official Least Tasteful Item and I hadn’t found anything to replace it. That, however, is soon to change (… dun dun DUNH) and so the orange and black monstrosity will, I hope, be departing these walls for a better-fitting home elsewhere.

Drop me an email at alchemymakes chez Gmail if you’re interested – all reasonable offers considered. PayPal for preference, cash acceptable if you know me in real life. Details are below.


Brand: Topshop. This is the Dandy Wallpaper Blazer from winter 12-13.

Size: Topshop 14; their size chart is here.

Condition: very good. I’ve worn it out properly twice that I can think of, and tried it on wistfully before remembering that it doesn’t fit a few more times. There are a couple of tiny white spots – one just by the left-hand pocket, one on a lapel – where I think the interfacing is showing, but they’re tiny; we’re talking one or two threads wide. Here’s the one on the left lapel:


Goes with: Absolutely nothing. Alternatively, everything.

House is pet- and smoke-free. Has been to a vampire-themed costume party and an avant-garde reimagining of Faust. Offer void where prohibited by law. 


Even if you aren’t a size 14 with a love of eye-burning prints, please do share this post with anyone you know who is! Tell me about your own Least Tasteful Items, too – I can’t be the only one who’s got one.


About Craft (Alchemy)

I make things and make things up.
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3 Responses to Somewhere to put the fabric

  1. That is one glorious jacket. It wouldn’t fit me so afraid I can’t take it off your hands, but I hope it finds a worthy home.

  2. jadesabre9 says:

    This won’t fit me, but I LOVE it. I understand why it has been so hard to get rid of. Love your “if Oscar Wilde had been alive in the 1970s” description too!! haha

  3. Pingback: Least Tasteful Item | Craft (Alchemy)

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